North Carolina Comedian, Billy Bob Woods!

Transcribed October 20th, 2002, Giggle Tank, North Carolina

MC: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, a very funny man...North Carolina's own... Billy Bob Woods!

What’s up North Carolina? Yeaah. Why is there a North and a South Carolina? You think they did that just to cause bullshit? Because you know we were both gonna wonder about the other one. Growing up, I had to go check it out. The pizza’s cheap as hell down in South Carolina... They eat some weird food. People are messed up over there. Theeeyyy talllllkkk laaaahk theeeeiiiiissss. Haha, yeeaaah. People in North Carolina sit in their rocking chairs like this... nice and slooowww. People in South Carolina sit in their rocking chairs like this...only half way back, haha yeeaaahh. And the people who aren’t laughin’, probably are from South Carolina. Like this guy up in the front. You look like you’re from South Carolina. How long have you two been together? Yeah you’re definitely from South Carolina. Everybody has a mullet in South Carolina. Every, body. Not just the men, like in North Carolina. Yeeaah, you know what I’m talking about... They love to drive reeaal slow too, they think it saves gas. People from South Carolina still fish with worms haha, yeaah, they just don't got the luers we got up here. By a show of hands, who here has ever dated someone from South Carolina? The two people in the waaayyy back, you people trying to hide out. They get physical when they argue don’t they? I see you laughing back there. People from South Carolina get physical but they're as intimidating as a Hari Christna in a wheel chair...haha, they're threatening like an Asian midget... haha...I’m sure as hell glad I was born in NORTH Carolina. I wonder if people in Virginia hate the mother fuckers in West Virignia. Or what about the Dakota’s...We have got to kill these South Dakota mothafuckers. Haha- hey, that’s my time, you guys have been great. Before I go I wanna leave you with this...And during the next comedian, don’t laugh, just keep thinking about this... Everybody knows Raliegh is the capital of North Carolina...but what the hell is the capital of South Carolina? I even looked it up on the internet, atlases, history books...no body knows. Haha, you guys drive home safe. Watch out for the South Caroliners, South Carolinians, South Carolines, shit, I don’t even know what they call themselves.